the miracle of saving grace...

engraved hands bear witness
of love made whole in death.
this unveiled passion was no less
at birth than at last dying breath.
the marred and bleeding back he raised
to inhale air he himself designed
contained the same beating heart that praised
the creation of beloved mankind.
with knowing eyes, he scanned the crowd
as pain ripped through his chest.
and though "forsaken!" cried out loud,
he knew his plight was for the best.
slain one day; three later, risen from the grave.
his blood; shed for those whose lives he died to save.

grace... meets me here, in my imperfection. in my impurity. in my utter simplicity. she reaches out her hand to pull me up every single time i fail... without fail. grace accompanied by hope and liberty, together, allow me second chances... when i know i never deserved a first chance to begin with. she tells me the truth, even when i don't want to hear it. she believes in me, when i am incapable of believing in who i am; in who i've become, thus far; and in the person i'm slowly becoming. she sees for me what i am helplessly unable to see for myself. in all of my pride and selfishness, she reminds me of those around me, urging me to look beyond my own wants and needs. in all of my weakness, grace coaches me; stressing uncompromisingly "not by might, not by power" and "my strength is made perfect in weakness"... Lord, make me the right kind of weak. the kind of weak you can use. the kind of weak that is pleasing to You. and by the way, thank you for grace - undeserved, unrelenting, unfathomable grace. grace that is, indeed, greater than all my sins.

the moon is down

The moon is completely fantastic this fine evening. It is large and low in the sky and a distinct shade of yellow such as I've never seen it. Man, I love the sky. I love how every night holds a different tapestry of beauty for those who would seek to see it's grandeur. It also makes me think of a certain song by Further Seems Forever that I love (notably entitled "The Moon is Down"). Anyway, I'm not really saying a whole heck of a lot right now. Tis all good though. Sometimes, it's nice to not have to say anything (or have nothing to say) and yet, still manage to say something. I think I do that a lot, come to think of it... The worst though, is when I try and try and try to come up with something to say, and in spite of all my efforts, still remain unable to say anything. Awkward silence ensues and conversation is dulled. I hate when that happens. meh.

So, I love working Sunday evenings just because it's so laid back. It's great. I don't have to work again until Thursday. woo. Mini-break for me. What a rarity. I went to see The Interpreter last night at the theatre. It was fun. The story-line is somewhat difficult to follow and is often confusing... but nevertheless, the story was suspenseful. Sean Penn is such a great actor as is Nicole Kidman. She's so pretty in that movie too. Movies are fun.

Okay, well. I should get going now. I have to meet a friend from school to study tomorrow downtown. There will be no escaping the study for this exam... although I've been lax in my study for the other exams I've written thus far.

the moon is down

heaven is waiting for us

to find her in our sites

with focus that's strong

but my strength keeps slipping...

[the moon is down - fsf]

in this concrete world

So, today was the writing of examen numéro trois... yay anatomy!! I have an exam tomorrow (for which I've yet to study... grr to me) and the last on Tuesday of next week. And then, I get a break from school for a whole week before starting my spring class. woo. I'm listening to Switchfoot right now. How I do enjoy their music so so so much. I've been humming "Concrete Girl" to myself all day, for some reason. It has been my theme song for the week; mainly due to the exam period factor and due to all the death at work. I'm serious, everyone is dying.

Not to dwell on such morbid things today is my sincerest desire. So yeah. I have a little pig on my lap swathed in a blue towel. George is squealing/purring quite contentedly and loudly, might I add. He likes when you squish him ^{but not too hard, naturally...} I don't really have a whole heck of a lot to say right now. I played to play some new piano pieces tonight just moments ago. Handel and Beethoven always make me happy. I bought a watercolour technique book on tuesday. I'm planning on picking up that hobby again once school ends. It's been too too long since I last painted. I even splurged and bought a new paintbrush ^{but it wasn't too much of a splurge because it was half price and quite inexpensive to begin with...}

I was watching the news tonight also and on Le Point, some interviewer was interviewing Paul Martin and afterwards, Stephen Harper. The interviewer was the best. Honestly, his questions were awesome. I could repeat some of it, but it would most likely be boring to read. However, it was great to watch. I hate politics and somehow love them all at once.. ^{how is that possible?}

I finished reading Homer's The Iliad last week. That book left me feeling surprisingly quite depressed, once completed. So, to overcome all of the ideas of the book that were tumbling around in my mind, I immersed myself into another classic, notably Nineteen Eighty-four by George Orwell. I actually really liked the book. It was crazy. It's astounding to me how anyone can be so talented as to write some of the things that have been written over time. Above all though, reading inspires me to write. All this to say, I enjoyed the book. I wasn't crazy so much about the turture scenes, primarily because I have copiously vivid amounts of imagination. This caused me to actually want to shut out the pictures in my mind concerning some of the details the author expressed. I liked how the book made me reflect though on the subjective definition of Freedom; what it means to me and how it can be obtained.

Okay, I'm out.

weakness

Walking on shards of broken glass;
A blanket that stretches out forever
beneath my feet.

The sun won't melt me with its heat
though I perceive its light.
It burns and yet this seems a most
welcomed sensation.

I smell pot and spring and hear
Voices of children.
Water runs below in a man-constructed canal.

A slight breeze.
A stranger sitting on the wooden bench lateral to mine on the left hand side.

Near silence now as the breeze increases in intensity.
Meanwhile,
The light of the sun decreases.
Yelling in the distance, coming from behind,
Suddenly.

The flip of a page, turned.
The scream loudens, mingled
with another sound: shallow laugther.

My blanket of broken glass shards
has transformed itself into a jungle.

Not a tropical one, mind you, but
consisting of concrete and steel.

Bars perpendicular and closed gates are
Creating a great barrier.

A prison. Almost 2 post meridiem.

The Tower bells will soon chime;
A type of knell to this desolate soul,
in need of a physical touch.

"What do you want? What are you looking for?"
Inaudible Whisper disrupts my train of thought.
"Something real..." is my heart's silent reply.

A visceral growl interrupts my musings;
the hunger pangs of the flesh
I've become almost adept at ignoring.
Annoyance at most.

A cigarette lit.
The smell invades my constricted world
Bringing with it a soothing measure of comfort.

There they are!
The bells announcing the dismal passing...
of a plane overhead?

A two-tone flag waves triumphant.
One colour: that of surrender.
The other: symbolic of sacrifice.
The price paid for peace.
Peace of mind.

A piece of my mind,
shared, divided, added up again,
and equaling nothing
in the end.

bury the calendar

Just as months recede, time does fly -
Fleeting moments leaving traces.
Meager clock of age does it defy
As witness wrought by wrinkled faces.
Masterful hold has it on mankind,
Jeering at those attempting to tame
Juries eternal having yet still to find
Accusations rightful enough to tarnish its name.
Studying forever and ever learning
Optimal lessons of life to bear.
Now to the heart, the sensation of burning
Deepens the wounds already there.

What more to say? What more to know?
No more to take in; yet much more to show.



_{btw, the calendar is buried in that the months "initial-ize" the first twelve lines...}

life's eternal rhyme

How very special are we

We're just a moment to be

Part of life's eternal rhyme...

[from the movie, Charlotte's Web]

I've been thinking a lot lately. About life and death. About new beginings and past things. I think these thoughts stem mostly from the dealings I've had with patients dying over the last couple of weeks at work. It's something I can never seem to get used to, no matter how often it happens. It sounds morbid and morose even to my own ears, but standing next to and observing the mortal coil which is the human body makes you think about such things. This vessel that is so weak and frail houses so temporarily a most valuable tenant: the soul. You live for a brief moment in time and then, utter and complete stillness. A beautiful stillness that brings with it imeasurable amounts of grief. A strange physical eternal stillness, indeed... Eerie, at least.

All this to say, is that I'm learning slowly about the value of life and how I shouldn't be taking it for granted. La vie mérite d'être valorisée. Fabuleux destin, que de vivre brièvement la vie avant de basculer dans l'oubli.. May that not be the legacy I leave behind, once my life is over. Que ma vie puisse compter.. que chaque moment soit, pour moi, vécu pleinement. May I learn the love of life.

Tonight, I went to the park to play soccer with Gab for a bit around 11. It was so nice out. For some weird reason, all the streetlights around the park were darkened where they normally would all be lit up. However, as we neared the middle of the playing field, we realized that the lack of lights from the streets made it possible for us to see the northern lights dancing gloriously in the night sky, spanning across it in a blue frenzy. It was beautiful. Such singular moments are those that I want to strive to live for. To think that the God who created the heavens and earth who is the El Roi - the one who sees me, where I am - also allows lights to dance across the sky...