ever feel...

put on whatever makes you attractive.

if it's not you, then do it for the sake of fashion.

if your friends like a certain you, that's who you have to be.
[ When They Really Get To Know You, They Will Run - Pedro the Lion ]

It's such a great song. I haven't listened to it in a while but the lyrics came to mind suddenly, just like that. I talked on the phone for a long time today. It was good to catch up with old friends. I've felt so isolated the last few days. I also received an adorable "snail" in the mail. It really is a cutout snail made from foam send to me with an enveloppe attached to it by a friend of mine out west. Well. It's true enough and redundant but I hate physics. I'm just barely passing that class and it's so upsetting to me. I am trying to understand it all but I just don't get it. I don't get it at all. Anyway, I've been swimming a lot lately which is lovely. I love the water. Thanks, God, for making water.

You know? Sometimes you think you have certain things figured out but you really don't have a clue. And all along, you were deceiving yourself because what you thought was truth, was really illusion. Take physics for example. If you have a question on your assignment that you're sure you've gotten right. And you're so smug and certain of yourself that finally, the pieces fit together and you've got an answer that looks good (when all of your other answers seem like crap and give you the impression that you're going to fail for sure). You hand in your paper and the Teacher, who wrote the assignment, marks it wrong. You learn a lesson in vulnerability. Don't be smug. Don't overanalyze because sometimes you make the problem out to be more complicated than it really is. So what can you do? Do your best, I guess... and try not to fail the class. Work harder next time. Learn from your mistakes. Don't dwell on them but gain from them, moving on toward new concepts. Oh yeah, and don't understimate yourself either. Because although you may not get an A or even a C-... you still passed, even if barely... which is better than getting a zero for not even trying. You didn't fail. You thrived in spite of discouragement, mixed emotions, and confusion. I didn't waste my time. I gained from the experience. What did I have to lose? Maybe everything... or maybe nothing at all.

Afterall, it's just physics... right?

i hate physics...

vient le beau temps!

hello, sunshine! What a joy it is to have a day off to sit and soak up the sun. No one is home and that makes it even more cherishable. I passed my midterm after all!! Fortune smiles upon me. The teacher was very generous, in my opinion. I should have failed. That teacher is something else altogether, let me tell you. He's cute in his own way. When he starts the class, his shirt is all tucked in nicely but after about an hour and a half it's only partially tucked into his pants and by the end of the class, his shirt tails are all untucked and wrinkled. It's amusing. He really does enjoy teaching though. I can't stand that class but to witness his lectures about soundwaves and dBs makes it a little more tolerable. Ugh. I could never become an engineer. Anyway, now I should be doing my assignment for that very class... but it's just so nice out... How could I waste such a perfect day inside in front of a computer screen?? (this writing doesn't count... I'm only taking a break). I think I'm going to swim in a bit. The water's a little cold but who cares. So yeah, yesterday I got a loverly wake up call at about 5h42 am and it's my supervisor asking me to come into work. I love those day shifts. They are awesome. Specially when I do second cardiac (my favorite shift!!). It's great. When I'm done delivering the meals, I can go and loiter on the veranda on the fifth level for a while and it's so beautiful up there. I love it. So, that's what I did yesterday. The only sad thing about yesterday's shift was that one of my patients died. It was awful actually because it wasn't quietly or peaceful. Who wants to die amidst a frenzy of doctors trying to ressucitate you? With loudspeakers pretty much announcing your death throughout the building? "Cancel code blue. Cardiology Unit. Code bleu: Annulé. Institut de cardiologie". I find it harsh... Anyway, I have a game tonight. I'm kind of nervous. I'm not the best athlete ever but I made a promise to play. After that, I think we're going to the movies and that should be fun. Okay. well, I've had enough of a break. I'm going to get some water and then go rollerblading, I think... or swimming. Or maybe rollerblad first, then go swimming. Welcome, Summer!